Climbing out of the Abyss

I haven't written anything for a while, not on here or on any of my fanfictions.  There are multiple reasons for this, ranging from the simple to the complex.  I guess I owe my readers an explanation, which is also a means of explaining my absence from a few of my online friends as well.  I will try not to talk your electronic ear off about what's going on, but we'll see how that goes.

Reason # 1: I am listing this one first because, honestly, this is the biggest reason for me being gone.  Its what extended my couple weeks break from writing into a month or so long break that dipped into a horrible unproductivity.  What is it?  Depression.  Only those that know me personally are aware that I suffer from anxiety and depression.  My return to fanfiction.net this year helped boost me up in the confidence department and kept my brain busy from all those horrid, negative thoughts that have been piling up over the years due to personal issues that I won't talk about now.  But for some reason, right around chapter 7 of "Terminal Affair" I started getting that telltale inability to concentrate, that listless and tired physical state, and a pretty damned bad bout of insomnia.  I usually suffer from insomnia, I mean, hell, that's where some of my best chapters have come from, but when that's coupled with a crippling inability to think clearly and such tiredness that I don't even know if I want to turn on my computer to check my e-mail or my facebook then we have a problem.  A couple weeks into this and I started getting my migraines again, the kind that lasted all day in varying intensities.  I literally lost all energy or want to do anything and just wanted to crawl under a rock and sleep until the zombie apocalypse because my only hope of getting in a better mood was the thought of blowing some half-rotting ex-douchebag's skull into little pieces.  (Now that I think of it, my wish for the end of the world and this odd violent tendency is probably signs of some kind of fucked-up psychosis, but meh...) 

Reason # 2: I've been concentrating more on my original novels.  Yeah, because of reason 1 its been hard work, but I've at least gotten through at least organizing (for the most part) my files on my computer, the ones having to do with my writing, and starting typing up all my paper files.  I have about three big plastic tubs full of notebooks and binders full of stories, both original and fanfic, I have to go through.  This is something I should have started a big ago, but didn't feel like doing, and since I recently learned that my harddrive with all of my writing and files pre-last year was unsavable I decided it was time to move on and stop hoping I was going to get those files back.  That didn't help my depression by the way.  It sucked learning that five years of my life -- writing, personal notes, personal photos -- were all gone, and all because my little drive slipped off my chair that I had set it on while working on my laptop.  Two feet from the chair to the floor and BAM.  But now I'm seeing just how much I had the thought to print out back then.  I won't get even 25% of what i lost, but its something, and I might find some old writing that might make me laugh, or cringe.  I'm hoping that getting back into my original writing will lead to, well, obviously finishing something and getting published.  It doesn't even matter to me whether I self-publish something on a e-book website I found (more on that later) or get it published by a bigger publisher.  Just finishing something original has become a big priority for me.

Reason # 3: Which is related to 2.  I'm helping a couple friends with their original novels.  My best friend actually has a kick-ass novel idea brewing which I am kinda co-writing and assisting with research for.  We even have an artist on the team.  When she finishes its going to be pretty rad and unique if we can pull it off with the original vision she explained.  Her husband is also a writer and has finished the first part of a long fantasy novel series.  I'm to be his first editor and commentor. 

Reason # 4: Gears of War 3 came out.  Okay, okay, so this is a more recent distraction, but my favorite boys from Delta get prime attention.  Some might think this is lame, but what do you expect from a gamer chick that writes fanfiction.  Heh.  For those that haven't played 3, or even the Gears series, I highly recommend it.  I have played a lot of games and I'm pretty picky when it comes to plot and characterization.  I can play sucky games for fun, but very few games have emotionally effected me and pulled me in such as Gears.  It rocks so hard.  I will actually say that part of what has brought me out of the worst of my emotional crap was getting Gears and seeing those characters again.  Despite the seriousness of the storyline and sometimes tragic turns nothing makes me smile and laugh like Marcus, Dom, Baird, and Cole.  Mostly Cole giving Baird a hard time. 

Loves the fact Baird's just sitting over there all badass.

So yeah.  I'm getting better.  I've being staring at my fanfictions.  I'm behind on reading, and I'm really behind, as in, haven't done shit for the betas I was supposed to do.  So if I was supposed to beta you I'm sorry, but when I go through a depressive anxiety driven freak out I have a tendency to be too afraid to message and/or talk to people.  Hopefully I'll have something soon, but if anything I will be making a new post here, and I think I'll make a facebook page for Shadow Ocelot, my fanfic pseudonym, mostly because I hate posting updates on twitter, and most people nowadays check their facebook more, so I will likely post a link to that soon and you can keep up with my updates there and bug me.  Trust me, I'll welcome it.

Love you guys for being patient, and I am so very sorry.

House's Girl

Meet Claire Stokes, from A Terminal Affair.

Never give up, Never surrender!

Profile View, sort of.

Crouching Courier, Hidden Badass

All Dressed Up!

Let me get my business attire.

Home sweet home.

 

Couldn't resist to take this picture which at the House Resort.

Also at the House Resort, outside.  Couldn't get Lake Las Vegas in the background like I wanted though. : (

Robert Edwin House

This is mostly for my "Terminal Affair" readers and other fans of House.  For those that don't know I own a book called, "The Secret Language of Birthdays" which not only tells about each particular Zodiac sign in great detail but describes every birthday itself.  Out of curiosity I read House's birthday, not expecting it to fit because most of the time people just throw random dates on characters in video games, but like in real life (where I find this book scarily accurate) almost every word rang so true that I felt compared to share.  It sure explains a lot about the way House operates.  I warn you, there is a LOT here.  This is a very in-depth book. I put the day first so if you don't want to read after that you don't have to, but under a cut I have also included all the general Cancer info as well as the Cancer I traits.  Enjoy!
  
June Twenty-Fifth
The Day of the Sensitive Receptor

Robert House

STRENGTHS: Empathic, Perceptive, Original
WEAKNESSES: Oversensitive, Moody, Unsure

June 25 people have a rare capacity for realizing their dreams.  Reasons for their success include a knowledge of the environment surrounding them and the times in which they live, as well as a sensitivity to what works and what doesn't.  Thus they are not only tuned in to people and events but also may be able to capitalize on the opportunities presented by them.  Financial success can be theirs if they can put their emphatic powers to work, but they may suffer financial reversals or even poverty before they realize their potential.

Either consciously or unconsciously June 25 people are asking other to have faith in them, because what they produce or say is often highly visionary.  This acceptance on the part of their audience is essential to the self-confidence of those born on this day as well as their ability to work and create.  This includes the basic support of family, which anchors and stabilizes their career.  Without this trust and faith, the energies of June 25 people often burn out or run down, ending in collapse.  In certain cases they may also find themselves exhausted by sensuous or hedonistic drives.

June 25 people must take care to screen the emotional input of others, as those born on this day draw powerfully positive and negative influences.  Such influences can so deeply take hold in a June 25 person that they mistakenly believe them to be originating inside themselves, rather than coming from external sources.  Cultivating objectivity and discernment is thus essential to the their psychological well-being.

Generally, the nurturing side of June 25 people is highly developed and applies not only to their family, friends, and colleagues, but also to their homes, possessions, and money, which they like to keep in a process of growth and development.  Thus most June 25 people are adept at both earning money and investing it wisely.  They understand that many areas of life, the small acts of caring and concern one invests in the present, can bring great future returns.

June 25 people can be very emotional in relationships, though their love and sex feelings are generally kept private and under strict control.  What they do show is a propensity to release in public are sharp criticisms and occasional outbursts of anger and negativity, perhaps even rough language.  Already known for their highly changeable moods, June 25 people must beware of turning dictatorial, imposing their views or alienating others, such behavior will drive away those whose trust they truly need.

Numbers and Planets

Those born on the 25th day of of the month are ruled by the number 7 (2+5=7) and by the planet Neptune.  Because Neptune (the watery planet ruling visions, dreams, and psychic phenomena) can be associated with the Moon (which rules the inner emotional state and also the sign of Cancer), June 25 people are often empathic, sometimes too much so.  This is to say, influences of the Moon and Neptune underscore the June 25 vulnerability to negative energies.

Tarot

The 7th card o the Major Arcana is the Chariot, which shows a triumphant figure moving through the world, manifesting his physical presence in a dynamic way.  The card may be interpreted to mean that no matter how narrow or precarious the correct path, one must continue on.  The good side of this card posits success, talent, and efficiency; the bad side suggests a dictatorial attitude and a poor sense of direction.

Health

As indicated, June 25 people must be able to screen out negative energies that come their way.  Because of their extreme receptivity, they may be particularly vulnerable to contagious disease.  They must therefore take necessary precautions to protect themselves.  Negative influences may of course include psychological disturbances as well.  Maintaining an objective space between themselves and others is crucial to the health of June 25 people.  As time passes, many born on this day become more skillful at allowing healthy influences through while closing harmful ones out.  Thus they may choose to share in a more selective way.  Enjoying food with others is an integral factor in good health, and those June 25 people unversed in the culinary acts should take up cooking, if possible.  In general they should craft a diet that lends them a sense of well-being, experimenting by trial and error rather than adopting one ready-made.  Swimming is particularly recommended as an exercise. 

Advice

Strive to maintain some degree of objectivity in regard to your feelings.  Protect yourself when necessary, but remain open to positive influences.  Cultivate mental discrimination.  Beware of mistaking someone else's feelings for your own.

Meditation

The most amazing place you will ever be in your life is where you are right now.